“One of my greatest concerns for the
young women of the Church is that they will sell themselves short in dating and
marriage by forgetting who they really are--daughters of a loving Heavenly
Father. . . . Unfortunately, a young woman who lowers her standards far enough
can always find temporary acceptance from immature and unworthy young men. . .
.
At their best, daughters of God are loving, caring, understanding, and
sympathetic. This does not mean they are also gullible, unrealistic, or easily
manipulated. If a young man does not measure up to the standards a young woman
has set, he may promise her that he will change if she will marry him first.
Wise daughters of God will insist that young men who seek their hand in
marriage change before the wedding, not after. (I am referring here to the kind
of change that will be part of the lifelong growth of every disciple.) He may
argue that she doesn't really believe in repentance and forgiveness. But one of
the hallmarks of repentance is forsaking sin. Especially when the sin involves
addictive behaviors or a pattern of transgression, wise daughters of God insist
on seeing a sustained effort to forsake sin over a long period of time as true
evidence of repentance. They do not marry someone because they believe they can
change him. Young women, please do not settle for someone unworthy of your
gospel standards.
On the other hand, young women should not refuse to settle down. There is no
right age for young men or young women to marry, but there is a right attitude
for them to have about marriage: "Thy will be done" . . . . The time
to marry is when we are prepared to meet a suitable mate, not after we have
done all the enjoyable things in life we hoped to do while we were single. . .
.
When I hear some young men and young women set plans in stone which do not
include marriage until after age twenty-five or thirty or until a graduate
degree has been obtained, I recall Jacob's warning, "Seek not to counsel
the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand" (Jacob 4:10). . . .
How we conduct ourselves in dating relationships is a good indication of how we
will conduct ourselves in a marriage relationship. . . .
Individuals considering marriage would be wise to conduct their own prayerful
due diligence--long before they set their hearts on marriage. There is nothing
wrong with making a T-square diagram and on either side of the vertical line
listing the relative strengths and weaknesses of a potential mate. I sometimes
wonder whether doing more homework when it comes to this critical decision
would spare some Church members needless heartache. I fear too many fall in
love with each other or even with the idea of marriage before doing the
background research necessary to make a good decision.
It is sad when a person who wants to be married never has the opportunity to
marry. But it is much, much sadder to be married to the wrong person. If you do
not believe me, talk with someone who has made that mistake. Think carefully
about the person you are considering marrying, because marriage should last for
time and for all eternity.”
